It’s going to be a short and sweet one this week folks, mainly because I haven’t done anything worth talking about. That’s not to say that I’ve been sat around doing nothing, in fact the exact opposite is true, it’s just that what I have been doing isn’t very interesting. I’ve actually spent the weekend stuck in a 2-meter square room with a frosted glass window so I couldn’t even see out whilst working my little fingers off, and before anyone suggests it, no “The Emma” hasn’t had me certified and locked up for my own good! What I’ve actually been doing is replacing a bathroom for my sister, (that’s “Kathryn Stinks” not “the one that forgot she’s got a brother”) and whilst I started off with great expectations of getting loads of pictures for you all to look at, what actually happened is things rapidly went downhill, the easy job we’d planned for turned into a bit of a nightmare, and taking pictures was the last thing on my mind! If I’m honest I’m not even sure how I got suckered into this little escapade. I seem to think it started with a simple “how easy is it to change a bath” text message question. To which I obviously replied with “It’s a bloody nightmare, don’t even think about it!” Anyhow, roll on a few weeks and my stance softened slightly when it transpired that the question wasn’t a vanity project but a real issue. You see some previous lunatic had decided that a P shaped bath would be a brilliant idea in a room less than 6ft wide. However, clearly not satisfied with that bit of stupidity. They had then fitted the taps to the side you get in from, meaning that not only could you not fit a shower screen to the stupidly shaped bath, which also took up most of the room, but you clattered your toes or shins on the taps every time you got in the bath. Brilliant! It may have looked great in the showroom with loads of space all around it, but in reality, ridiculous. As per usual though, just changing the bath isn’t that simple. Not only were all the water and waste pipes now in the wrong position, but the black tiled floor which had been fitted with the stupidly shaped bath, only went to the edge of the bath, meaning that would have to be replaced too! And if you’re taking the floor up, then the toilet and sink have to come out as well. So, you might as well just start again from scratch. A few more messages, a couple of video calls so I could actually see what we were talking about, and somehow, I’d agreed to provide my limited expertise, provided “Kathryn Stinks” provided the labour and kept up an endless supply of brews. Obviously smashing stuff up is the best part of any job, and despite the multiple layers of Silicone sealant that had been used to hold everything together (why use screws or proper fasteners when you can just stick the toilet down with a whole tube of silicone), we had the room stripped out within a couple of hours on Friday afternoon. Leaving time to fit a replacement false floor to take out the uneven floorboards, and struggle with fitting the new lino (cushion flooring) before bedtime. After a good night’s sleep, an early start, and a trip round the DIY shops in the van to collect the new toilet etc, Saturday turned out to be somewhat frustrating. Putting it back together should be the easy bit, but everything we touched turned into a nightmare. For a start, two of the newly soldered pipe fittings leaked as soon as we turned the water back on, a problem I’ve never had before. Then, having remade and re-soldered all the pipe runs, everything else insisted on leaking. The sink U bend wouldn’t fit the new sink and having acquired a replacement it then wouldn’t seal. The toilet cistern attachment bolts insisted on dripping despite having been resealed numerous times and the bath was a bugger to get into position and even once in place continued to put up a fight with getting the waste pipe to line up in the new position. Oh, and have I mentioned having to spend 30 minutes scraping solidified toilet waste off the outlet connection to allow it to seal correctly on the new pan? No, I thought not! After much swearing, sweating and general frustration, by Saturday night we eventually got to a position where the suite was back in and leak free and the floor, complete with replacement skirting boards was finished. I’ll admit that It had been a long and tiring day and may have involved the odd sense of humour failure! However, with little steps we were getting somewhere and we knocked it on the head at about 20:00 on Saturday evening just about able to see a light at the end of the tunnel.
An early start was required Sunday morning if we had any chance of getting finished and to that end, we were back at it for 07:30. In an attempt to make our lives easy and give us any chance of completing such a task in 2 days "Shower panels" were used for the walls. Supplied in 2.4 x 1m sheets it’s just a case of cutting it to size and sticking it to the walls. Far quicker and easier than tiling, and being large, sealed sheets, it shouldn’t allow any water to penetrate into the walls. This was a real-life saver, and brilliant decision, in fact I’d go as far as saying that there was no way we could have done what we did in the timeframe without, as despite multiple trips up and down the stairs as we cut the panels to size and test fitted them by early afternoon we had the 3 bath walls sheeted and watertight, something that would have been impossible with tiles. How well it will wear I’ve no idea, but for a quick, well priced option, it seems ideal. Which just left us to sort out the plumbing for the new shower, fit the new shower, fit the shower screen, bath front, toilet seat and cistern lid, seal all the edges and tidy up. Simples hey! And in fact, after Saturday’s tribulations it wasn’t too bad, and we made some excellent progress. By 17:00 we were wrapping up and working round the room with the sealant gun, and shortly after 18:00 I was back in the van, heading for home. I’m not going to pretend for one second that it was an easy job, in fact I’ll happily admit that it was a nightmare. My knees are sore, my wrists hurt, and my fingers are covered in little cuts. Working in a restricted space is twice as hard as working with plenty of room and doubly frustrating. But, standing back on Sunday evening and looking at what we had achieved in such a short timeframe, I’m pretty certain that I can speak for both of us and say that we were stood there with a sense of self satisfaction and mutual admiration for a job well done. It’s not very often that I get to spend any time with Kathryn and her tribe, and whilst we had a few stressful moments on Saturday afternoon, it was a really pleasurable experience, and one which I’d be happy to repeat (just not for a while, as I’m getting too old for this game). I’ll confess that due to a lack of time, it’s not quite to my normal standard of workmanship, but it’s one that I’m still proud to put my name too and as good, if not better, than a lot of professional jobs I’ve been witness too. And if it’s helped out and made their life just a little bit better in the long run then it was well worth doing. I must say that “Kathyn Stinks” is a real grafter who’s willing to put in the time to learn and have a go at anything. Like me if she doesn’t know how to do something she’ll find out and have a go, without any expectation that someone else will do it for her, and people like that are an absolute pleasure to help. I’ve also got to give credit where it’s due to both her kid’s, who gave her the space to crack on and get involved and to James, who whilst being the first to admit that he’s not mechanically minded, must have made at least 500 brews over those 2 days and kept me fed for the whole time. And as we all know, an army marches on its stomach. Teamwork makes the dream work as they say, and that was a real team effort! All that she’s got left to do now is a bit of decorating and put the skills and confidence she gained this weekend to test in their next project.
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Paul PerrattOld enough to know better, young enough to still feel invincible, stupid enough to keep on trying the same thing again and again. Cyclist, Gardener, Runner, Hiker, Cook, Woodworker, Engineer, Jack of all trades and master of none, Anti social old git and all round miserable bugger. Archives
March 2024
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