I’ve had a couple of quiet weeks after the exertions of London - Edinburgh - London. The highlight of which was a visit last weekend from a long-time friend who moved to Sweden nearly 20 years ago. Which, whilst absolutely brilliant, isn't not much use as a topic for conversation here, unless you’re interested in my spending the entire weekend on the pop and sitting around reminiscing about the good old days. The weekend before I went to a wedding and I’m supposed to be off up North this weekend with “The Emma” for a party. Possibly all good things for allowing my tired old legs a bit of recovery time, but not ideal on the fitness or adventuring fronts, and certainly not good on the “Ow, my head hurts!” front. So, what am I going to witter on about this week then? Well, for a starter’s, I thought we could have an allotment catch up, but as everything seems to have gone into hibernation due to the ongoing drought, there’s not a lot to say on that front. Although we are overloaded with tomatoes, cucumbers and chillies from the greenhouse, which has been amazingly productive this year, and “The Emma” did a stupendous job of keeping everything alive whilst I was off gallivanting around the country, for which she should be congratulated. Then I thought that I might be able to bore you all by going into incredibly minute detail regarding installing a solar battery charger in “The Emma’s” garage to keep the car battery topped up, but as that turned out to be far less painful than I had expected, there’s not a lot to say about that either! So instead, now that I’ve had a week or so for my latest adventure to sink in, I’ve caught up on a bit of sleep, and had a bit of time to think about things, let’s have a bit of reflection on London - Edinburgh - London. For something that’s been the focus of my attention for quite some time, now that it’s over I’m not really sure how I feel. What I do know is that it was an amazing experience, and despite the effort required, the endless sweating and toil, the sleep deprivation, and the overwhelming heat on the last few days, it was an experience which I didn’t want to end. As I mentioned last week, being bought to a stop at the end was almost a disappointment. Despite the times where I'd been wishing for the end over the previous days, when it actually came, well, I didn’t want to stop! I remember feeling exactly the same way when I rode from home to Land’s End and John’ O Groats and back in 2016. On that occasion I was away for nearly a month and covered 2000+ miles, but the daily mileage was a lot lower. Although in my defence, I did carry all of my kit for the duration (including camping), so the bike was a lot heavier. By taking it slower I was able to see more of the country though, and it had more of a holiday feel to it than last week’s adventure did. But the feeling was the same towards the end. A desire to get to the finish on more than one occasion, but when the finish finally came, a sense of disappointment and desire to carry on. Maybe it’s the simple life. If all you’ve got to do is peddle your bike and worry about where the next meals coming from, then things are pretty easy. Or maybe it’s the freedom, the ability to stop wherever and whenever you like, to sleep under the stars, to lay on a village bench and close your eyes whilst feeling the sun on your face, to wake to a frosty or misty morning knowing that in a matter of hours the sun will have driven the cold away or burned off the mist to leave another gorgeous day of exploration? Or the fresh air, space, constant views and desire to explore. The constant amazement at what’s around the next corner or over the next hill, the feeling that everything’s new and exciting. Not the same 4 walls that you’ve been staring at for the last however many years, not the same job or the same TV programme, but something new every few seconds? Or maybe it’s just that feeling of satisfaction that comes at the end of a hard day’s graft, or at the top of a long steep hill, when you stop and look back at where you’ve come from or pause to see where you’re going. The distant range of hills on the horizon that you know you’re going to be slogging up in a matter of minutes, the glow in the dark of a far-off town or city still invisible behind the hills, but there non the less, the first smell of the sea on the breeze as you approach the coast? The exhilaration from rolling down the other side of that climb with the wind in your hair and the sun on your face, or the sting of the cold air on your fingers on a winters day that makes you feel alive and makes that brew when you stop, or reach your destination, seem so much nicer. On that vein, there’s nothing better than stopping to brew up when your away. Pulling into a farm gate, getting the brew kit out and sitting with your back against your bike, happily eating biscuits whilst waiting for the water to boil (preferably with water from that fast-flowing stream by your toes) and finally supping that hard earned brew, whilst watching the world go by for a few minutes. All heaven, but not what I’m supposed to be talking about today. Because LEL was all about completing those miles within the Audax timeframe and that meant pushing on, not sitting around admiring the sights. That doesn’t mean that there wasn’t time to admire those sights though, and there were plenty of new things that I saw that will stay with me for the rest of my life or have already been logged for a future revisit when I can truly enjoy them at a slower pace (roll on retirement, there’s a whole world out there to explore). Working up through The Fens on Sunday evening with the sun setting across the flat landscape slowly lengthening the shadows on the road and turning the sky from blue, to red, and finally to black. The long climbs and flowing descents in the heat of the afternoon as I made my way through the Scottish borders and the amazing sight of the sun setting to be slowly replaced by a bright red moon on the stretch between Eskdalemuir and Brampton. Likewise, the low early morning sun glinting off the sea, with an even lower bank of offshore mist clinging to the horizon, as I crossed the Humber Bridge on the final morning. And the broken lines of bike lights flashing away in the distance as we all made our way north on the first night, are things that will remain firmly etched in my memories. On a different note. With exertion and tiredness also comes emotion, and there were at least 2 occasions during my trip to Edinburgh and back that I found myself with unexpected tears in my eye, both of which were bought on by the kindness of strangers. As I may have mentioned last week, working through the heat of the afternoon on day 3, riding in the vicinity of a couple of overseas riders, we were all getting short on water having left the previous control some time previously. As we slowly worked our way across North Yorkshire, shops for a resupply had been in short supply. But, coming into a town (possibly the outskirts of Northallerton) I spotted what looked promisingly like a shop and diverting off to investigate my colleagues followed. Only for us all to be disappointed to discover the doors firmly bolted and the cupboard bare. Cursing my bad luck and considering my next move, I pushed on, only to come, meters later, to a lovely lady who had set herself up as an unofficial water stop and was busy dispensing the elixir of life to all and sundry who came her way. Stood on the pavement with her bottles of water she was certainly a sight for sore eyes and provided not only a water top up, which saw me through to the next control, but also a welcome chat and a bit of local route knowledge (hilly, then hillier, then a few more bigger hills!). There’s no doubt that without her assistance I’d have either had to stop, get the maps out and divert off route in search of a shop, or been in a right pickle as the sun beat mercilessly down throughout the afternoon. That little bit a kindness from that lovely lady taking the time out of her busy day to stand in the hot sun and help people that she had never met and would never see again as they passed by the end of her road hit me really hard in my tired state, and I fought for quite some time to hold the tears back as I thought about her kindness over the coming miles. A similar situation coming through The Fens on the way back, again in the heat of the day on the final afternoon, where two lovely local ladies were providing the same assistance, hit home equally as hard and really got me thinking about the kindness of strangers! People that don’t know you, have never met you and are unlikely to ever cross paths with you again, helping out those that are, by their own choice, out doing something unusual. Amazing! And whilst I’m talking about amazing, how about the hundreds of people that gave up their precious time to volunteer to make the entire adventure possible. Hundreds of people marshalling key points, checking brevet cards, providing mechanical support at controls, clearing dining halls and providing a friendly face to chat too, managing dormitories and sleeping facilities, bike parking, bag drops and the million other things that are required to stage such a magnificent event. And that’s before I even get to the management team behind the entire event who have spent the last 5 years working ceaselessly to make the whole thing possible and will begin again, almost immediately, to organise the next one in 2025. The selfless endeavour, the ability to remain cheerful and empathetic to tired riders, when they themselves had been working tirelessly for often ridiculous timespans. Never complaining, never tiring, just working endlessly to ensure that those doing the easy part and simply peddling their bikes, were looked after and supported at every turn. Again, just sitting here thinking about all those that worked so hard to make my adventure possible, brings a tear to my eye and a lump to my throat, and whilst I personally tried to thank as many people as I could as I briefly passed through their care, I don’t think that I’d ever be able to really express that gratitude fully. In fact, I suspect that the only way to truly do so is by returning the favour at some point in the future by filling the volunteer role myself! So far everything I’ve spoken about has been sweetness and light, but what about those horrible dark moments? Those moments when you think to yourself “what am I doing here”? Those moments when your legs are sore, your backsides in bits from endless hours in the saddle, it’s dark and getting cold and there’s still another 3 hours to go to the next control? Well, there were plenty of those too, and they were not always in the dark either. In fact, I seem to find the afternoon the worst part of the day in general. By mid-afternoon I’ve been on the go for longer than any normal person would consider sensible, it’s the hottest part of the day, and my circadian rhythm just doesn’t seem to like the afternoons. But what can you do? You’ve either got to face those dark horrible moments and their demons face on, or quit! That’s not something that’s unique to cycling either, long distance running’s just as bad. Your tired, your legs hurt, you’re hungry and thirsty, and there it is, a big f**k off hill! Sent just to torment you and push you over the edge and get you to quit. Or you face that challenge, push the suffering from your mind and push on, the reward will outweigh the short-term pain! And that’s where the mental game comes in. The general consensus seems to be that any endurance event is 90% the mental battle. That constant battle to succeed in the face of often overwhelming odds, and then 10% physical. Your body can go on pretty much forever as long as it’s got enough fuel to keep going. It’s your brain that’s telling you it hurts and to stop. So, you ignore it, find something else to occupy your mind. Think about that project that your planning, think about the last time you pushed through when your brain said stop, put some tunes on, look at the scenery (not so easy in the dark when all you’ve got is the pool of light immediately in front of you). Think about anything, but don’t let your brain win the battle of wills. “We’ve been here before brain, and on nearly every previous occasion I’ve won. We’re doing this so you might as well get used to it!” And you know what, if you can push those thoughts to one side it gets easier. And strangely the more you do it the easier it gets. You learn from experience that you can keep going, you know that you can go 36 hours straight without sleep and do it again the next day, you learn that you can run for 20 or more hours straight, you learn all the little tricks that help push those dark thoughts about stopping to the side, and you learn what you can and can’t do. And I’ll tell you for free, that there’s nothing that you can’t do if you put your mind to it and really want it, and that goes for everything in life, not just stupid endurance events. We’re just programmed as humans to give up if it’s too hard or difficult, and the more often you give up the easier it becomes to see everything as too hard and so the downward spiral begins! And that brings me on to the other topic of this week’s blather, motivation. Having had London - Edinburgh - London as a target for so long now (It’s been on my radar for the last 4 years and a specified target for the last year), now it’s over and completed what next? Whilst I don’t tend to have a targeted training schedule, preferring to just do things that catch my eye and imagination, I have known that long days and big mileages were going to be required, and as such lots of my recent adventures and outings have been focused on that theme. But now that’s done, were coming into the Autumn and Winter, so getting out there's going to become more difficult, and I’ve picked up a couple of niggling little injuries over the course of the summer that really need a bit of time to heal if I’m going to have a successful Autumn / Winter Running season, I’m finding myself asking what next, and feeling a bit deflated and unmotivated. I’ve had a couple of easy weekends and I’ve been avoiding the running for the last couple of weeks and focusing a bit more on the cross training (light weights and high rep bodyweight type stuff) with lots of stretching etc thrown in, in the hope that some of the little niggles will clear up. And to be honest it feels like things are slowly on the mend. My right knee which was very sore last week feels a lot better, and my left Achilles which had been giving me some real problems seems to be slowly getting better (at least I can get out of bed and down the stairs in the morning again now, without hobbling around like an old man). Oh, and the feeling is slowly returning to my little toes, which after 950 miles on the bike seemed to have gone numb and remained that way for the last 2 weeks! (I’m not sure what that’s all about, but I do know that it’s not ideal!) All those little things, on top of having successfully completed one of my biggest challenges to date and subsequently having to return to the general drudgery of work has left me feeling somewhat deflated though and sorely lacking in motivation to do anything. For the last few months every week has been focused on the next weekends adventure or challenge, the last couple of weeks though, nothing! And whilst I have got stuff in the pipeline, none of it is really catching my imagination or sparking that fire inside. I’m always worried about getting injured or hurting myself and having to stop doing the things that I love, so when I do pick up the odd niggle it plays on my mind. What if that’s the end of it, what if I can’t run any more, what if I can’t play bikes, how am I going to get back to full fitness? And that gets you down. Couple that, with that feeling of deflation following the completion of a big goal, a change in the weather and a loss of focus and I guess this is where you end up. Unmotivated, unfocused, and lacking in drive. Sure, I’ll get over this hump, it’s a common feeling post the completion of any big goal and to that end I almost knew it was coming. But it’s still a strange feeling, and a feeling that’s somewhat unexpected at that. You would think that I’d be basking in the glory of a job well done, not struggling for motivation, and feeling deflated, but there you are, that’s how it is! As I mentioned above, I have got stuff in the pipeline, there’s a double marathon weekend coming up (provided my Achilles is feeling better), there’s a 200 and 600Km Audax before the end of September, a 50-mile hilly ultra, and the London marathon at the start of October, so it’s a busy calendar, all of which I’m looking forward too. And all of which will hopefully help to get the old mojo back.
And to that end, I think I’ve waffled on long enough for today, in fact I’d be amazed if anyone’s still even reading. My waffling has however been fairly cathartic, and I often find that having written down my thoughts it helps to clear my head and get things straight in my brain, so even if you’ve lost the will to live, I’m happier. I’m off partying this weekend, so there’s not likely to be a blog update, although I have got some jam to make from allotment blackberries and the greenhouse needs sorting out, so if I’m feeling particularly energetic there might be a few photos to share. And if not, hopefully normal service will resume at the start of September with another big weekend and me back to full enthusiasm.
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Paul PerrattOld enough to know better, young enough to still feel invincible, stupid enough to keep on trying the same thing again and again. Cyclist, Gardener, Runner, Hiker, Cook, Woodworker, Engineer, Jack of all trades and master of none, Anti social old git and all round miserable bugger. Archives
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